Tuesday, March 28, 2006

My Sixty-six Idiosyncrasies

I needed to do this…I needed to know what made me Brady…while many of these idiosyncrasies are petty…it really helps paint a picture for me. Think of it as a form of very very cheap therapy. I think maybe others could gain some perspective by trying this too…I just tapped this “semi-stream of consciousness” state of mind and documented every possible quirk that I currently possess…and I have to say that I’m satisfied. This should rest my weary mind for a time.

I can’t sleep without a fan on

I don’t use an alarm clock

I like cheese whiz on pancakes

Reaching into ovens makes me uncomfortable

I enjoy Lava Lamps considerably

I despise having to dancing

I wear $1.99 t-shirts

I pretty much wear the same dress shirt to every job interview

I don’t drive

I walk pretty slowly

The concept of “surgery” in general makes me sick

My handwriting is scrawled in a strange fashion and is terribly sloppy

I enjoy black ball-point pens

I’m writing a memoir

I sometimes sketch pointless drawings

I take photographs of random things

I have these secret aspirations of wanting to either become a Jesuit priest, a detective, or an artist

I like the colour green…any shade really…as it stands for life

The number 33 is an important number for me…it’s perfect

I have trouble telling time on clocks with hands

I never really liked military time

I can only remember the order of North, East, South , and West by using an acronym

I can only tie my shoes using the “two bunny ears” technique

I feel I’ve become very proficient in tying ties

I like the train…dislike the bus

I enjoy walking places…everyday ordinary places…especially at the end of the day

I like sunrises better than sunsets…but dislike mornings

I love starring at the stars

I think rain is one of the most powerful empirical experiences…as it leaves no sense unscathed… sight...sound…touch…smell…and taste

I read Popular Science

The vastness and mystery of space sometimes haunts me

The depth and emptiness of the ocean sometimes frightens me

The intricacies of the body’s design fascinates and astounds me

I believe in God

I have avoided my church ever since my Grandmother died

I wear a cross on my wrist

I struggle between doing what is “just” and what is right

Much of the news makes me sad, angry, or sick

I sometimes sit in total silence without really realizing it

I can become very lost in music

I enjoy sensory deprivation

I think denying oneself of things is divine

I don’t eat breakfast and sometimes forget lunch

I bike extensively

I really only like 3 card games

I enjoy chess

I enjoy philosophy…but recently lost some interest thanks to a few University courses

I can be consistently late for important things and remarkably on time for the seemingly trivial

I despise shaving and haircuts…but always feel better after both of them

I have slippers…but never use them

I have a guitar…but can’t play it

I had a car…but no license

I had some friends…but had to cut them loose

I sometimes have trouble remembering what year it is exactly

My memories from years ago seem somewhat phoney and dream like

My family is bigger than any other person’s I know

I always wanted to have a big family of my own

I always had an ideal concept of what my Love would be like

I sometimes wonder where she is and what course of events is to unite us

I sometimes wonder if anything is meant to come to fruition…and maybe that I was created to be ended for some higher cause

I constantly distract myself so not to meditate on thoughts of fate and destiny

I have irregular sleeping habits

I have trouble shutting my mind off at night

I need white noise to divert/lull me

I can’t sleep with out a fan on

I don’t use alarm clocks

Habitually,
BR80

Saturday, March 25, 2006

"Ambient"


"Consider this: 92% of the world's population feel that their lives could be better --- what about you?

If you could do anything, anything at all, what would you do?


What are you doing now?


Imagine that you could live your life knowing that it could not be better and never feeling that you would rather be doing something else, be somewhere else, or be someone else.


Now consider this: some people actually live that way --- and so could you.


Contemplate this: What if 90% of the problems you encountered in your life were mere illusions and only existed in your mind?

In your everyday life whenever something annoys you, stresses you, makes you mad, or makes you sad, consider if that something really matters.


Will you even remember how you felt in one day, one week, one month, one year, or what about in ten years?


So when the people you work for pressure you, and fail to understand you, does it really matter? And when they call you on the phone, screaming and yelling, does it matter and should you really allow that to influence your life?


It's all about choices."

By: Barcode Brothers

Friday, March 10, 2006

The Ender

A lesson less than enlightening:

It’s called life reversed

As in opposite birth,
And this end is in motion
At all pace but a crawl

As gnashing and gritting
Is death unrelenting
And daft and distracting
Are thoughts void of this

BR80

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

The Mind At Odds

Hapless burdens rest on the shoulders of every person…and as a result, aspirations are often withheld…duties go unfulfilled; as duty itself is a burden, and one cannot carry such a load while harboring other encumbrances. Why are we constructed in such a way that the uniqueness of our strengths is only surpassed by the uniqueness of our weaknesses? Is it nature that grants some the freedom from one burden to another? I know for certain that mens' and womens' weaknesses and strengths differ…but who has it worse? There has to be a disparity…and naturally, the degree of that disparity is determined by society. One of the greatest strengths I see in man is this incredible ability to destroy everything…and then to conjure up clever and new ways to demolish what remains. Perhaps women just haven’t been given the chance to mess up like men have. All I know is that my tendencies are sometimes disturbing and strikingly contradictory to my regular disposition…can I attribute this flux to nature…to being a man? Is there even such a thing as “nature”? Wouldn’t the existence of “nature” denote the presence of “destiny”? Do I believe in destiny? I look at this world and its history and I hate what some men are and what some became…and I hate the notion that this same monstrosity could mount itself within me.

“The law is good, then. The trouble is not with the law but with me, because I am sold into slavery, with sin as my master. I don't understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate. I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong…” – Paul (Romans 7:14-16 NLT)

How many voices reside within our minds? Why do we enact the wishes of some voices and not of others? And I know…the presence of a multitude of voices doesn't typically constitute as a sane notion, per se…but I propose that we all have voices, and perhaps that we’re all insane…because we’re all capable of the same things…as scary and as frustrating as that is. We’d like to think that we’re so different from each other…that the murderer, the cheater, the thief, and the liar all suffer from some mental defect that caused them to “malfunction”…to disgrace and sully the good name of mankind. I think the anomaly is just how well behaved we all seem to be…and how well we as humans fight those urges and tendencies that make us monsters most of the time. We seem to constantly do the things we hate…we are contradictory creatures…not by choice, but by nature…by being slaves to a particular human condition…one that lets us think one thing and then do another...that lets us completely neglect our duty to do what's right. I just wonder how much of this I can afford to deal with in myself before I simply stop doing anything; as there appears to be only one guaranteed remedy for a contradiction between mind and action – utter apathy.

On the brink,
BR80