A Mirror with a Memory

Seeing friends, catching up, chewing the fat, and such...it's rad. Meeting up with some of the friends that made it home for the holidays reminded me of old times, even if those days aren't far behind me, I still need just a little reminder of how things were. And things were awesome.

"Life's a garden...dig it!"

I suppose in a way I both love and hate photos. I think time has a way of skewing perspective, and the best way to see how things truly were is by gazing into a moment via photography. Sometimes a single glance at a photo can set your mind ablaze with all kinds of revelations of the past. I ponder a lot, and I'm a very visual person by nature, so naturally, catching sight of a sentimental photo is an ignition for my mind in a gargantuan way. There are some thoughts I'd rather not think, and some memories I’d rather not recall, however, sooner or later one of those ancient and forgotten photos (one that captured the face of a person you’d just soon forget) rears in a heartbreaking way. But all-in-all, I’m pretty satisfied and completely thankful for the time I shared with friends this break...new and old, photographed and otherwise.

Done Typing,
BR80

Mad

I'm definitely not an angry person, and anyone that knows me knows this. I haven't much pent up rage, however, no one in this world infuriates me more than my own brother. In complete honesty, I have yet to meet someone I could possibly hate, but nothing comes as close as the sheer frustration he brings me. Patience can only wear so thin. I'm human...cursed. For real.

Seeing Red,
BR80

The Prospects

I feel lost...I need some direction. I need to know my purpose for the future. And in the end I think nothing answers the questions of the unknown like a vigorous round of M.A.S.H.

|||| |||| = 10

Home: Mansion Apartment Shack House

Lady Friends: Ashley Emma Jessica Oprah

Children: Zero Two Nine Five

Vehicles: HUMMER Go Kart Helicopter Creepy Van

Locations: Mountainous hillside Tropical paradise Downtown metropolis Middle of the Ocean

Things: Laser Gun Jet-Pack Sky Scraper Flaming Nunchucks

Finally I can rest easy knowing the truth.

-BR80, Circa 1985

Girl with a Pearl Earring

My heart the sheath of twinge and pain
Can't seal this day for mind to gain
So hold this time and taste the rinds of vine grown living skin
And know the veins that bleed my blood by every drop within

"Robitussin!"

I was in a car accident two years ago this November. My back still hurts. Unfortunately, I'ma real lightweight when it comes to most drugs...especially muscle relaxers...they're like horse tranquilizer on me. I lose complete control of my appendages. Anyhoo...I took some. Hopefully they don't interfere with my progress in using that high-powered band-saw today.

Throw'n it to the wind,
BR80

Thought Filled

I'm not trying to be angsty. I'm only writing this because I have too many thoughts and they're starting to overwhelm me. I pray to God often, asking for forgiveness, patience, wisdom, and peace. I struggle so much with just being able to let things go. I plague myself with all sorts of memories and "what-could-have-been" scenarios. I've had many new experiences in the last two years, many more then I've ever had throughout my entire life. Most have been eye opening, and many, somewhat disappointing. I always have such great expectations, and such hope in others. I pray a lot, I ask for peace...but in asking for peace I only drown my mind in a compulsive prayer, a repetitive ritual that slowly loses its coherence...and that's not peace...that's torture.

I experienced some closeness the other night. It was a physical closeness. Something I haven't felt in a long time. It was simple; it was just the touch of another person. I've been lonesome. I never compromise my principles...they're who I am. That's what made the other night so important to me, I didn't have to compromise, because I wasn't desperate for attention or affection, I wasn't searching for another person to feel close to...it just happened, and it felt really real. Yet at the time, even in my state of peace, I understood how fleeting that moment of closeness would be. It was an incredibly bittersweet night. It's amazing what alcohol does to the mind. Not my mind, but the minds of others. I recall the night with perfect clarity, and it's the clarity of these memories that plague me...they're gonna be in my head for a while. It breaks my heart to know that I'm the only one that has these memories. Even the person I felt close to has no recollection. So what's that mean?

I think it means the other night was just as real as any of my dreams, and just as short-lived. A dream is something one can only experience for themselves, and no other person can share. I had an experience the other night that I can't share with anyone, not even the girl I held. I'm the only one with a memory of that evening, and without the ability to share that experience, it mine as well had not even happened. I suppose this is what's been on my mind, and now it's on a blog. I'm not pathetic, I'm just hopeful. Hopeful that someday soon I'll find a closeness that's anything but fleeting. A relationship that reminds me how real and tactile affection is. But, is that love? I dunno.

Afflicted,
BR80