One Final Dialogue

I feel the best way to know a person is by reading their words...because from their words you gain just a glimpse of the inner-thought. I wish I could have shared a final dialogue with Whitney...today would have been her 21st birthday. We had collaborated on a valedictorian speech together once...it's one of those important memories I'll always have. We had a somewhat challenging time writing a flowing dialogue together...mainly due to both our stubbornness...and our commitment to presenting an idea we each felt passionately about. There are certain things that I've only recently began to think about. I never really knew that she wrote poetry...there are a lot of things I wish I had known about her. About a week ago, I had the chance to speak with a friend regarding my loss (she's a very good friend, and I can never repay her for her kindness through this...I'm truly in debt to her...which is something she would hate to hear), and from our discussion I found a bit of closure...a bit of peace. I've realized that I really needed one last word with Whitney...a final discourse. And so...today I read some of Whitney's words...a poem she wrote...and I wrote some words of my own, and then interlaced them with hers. I wish I knew her words now...I wish we could work on one final dialogue.

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Whitney
Sometimes,
When the world becomes more than
I can bear,

Brady
Always...
It's a burden unbearable...
a world of inflection.

I think of you
And remember when I loved you.
I find a quiet place in the center
of my soul,

I seek distraction...
And I lose that feeling,
I am swarmed by the rant and banter of noise
at my very core.

Close my eyes,
And breathe your name.
I breathe in the stillness the
innumerable expressions of our love,
Smoothing out the surrounding air.

I lie awake...
I choke on the sounds of the letters that make the words...that make the name...that made you.
Gasping for a moment void of motion...
for the finite memories of our time,
Dragged through this earth surrounding.

The beacon of light that I had for you
overcomes me in the depth of my soul
And I am uplifted to a point of
momentary grace,

My blinding blackness of grief for you
overwhelms me at this core,
as I am trudging into a lower lasting slavery.

Steady as the earth
And strong as the ocean is deep.
I get lost in the feeling of your presence,
Silently enjoying the warmth I get from your light.

Now a shaky world...
As weakened as a mild current.
I find myself sitting in the haze of what was,
Speaking my sorrow...my thoughts...now writing on your absence.

When my earth crumbles away from me,
I rise to the heights of the tallest
mountain peaks,
Overlooking the vast landscape of my life;
From the distant memories to the
Shatterings of my world.
I trace the line of my life that envelopes your presence,
As it paints an immaculate picture
in the earth.

When this world was made real to me...
I was lowered into this lowly depth,
Unable to see my foot before a step to take.
With eyes pierced by that last sight and blinded by this memory,
I walk this route familiar to us...
Forgotten by you...now living in me,
On a path that runs in every known way...
On a road that now will only be known
as walked by only one.

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This is a healing thing for me..and has granted me some sorely sought perspective. My hope is that I can cease the mulling and mourning...and begin living my life in memoriam to her, as it should be.

-Brady